Being a teenager is hard. It's a time of bodily change but also a time one does not want to be with one's parents too much. So we have this organism going through a strange journey and who will not talk to parents about it. Or if forced to talk to parents - it's snarling, mumbling or yessing you to death...but its rarely open honest communication.
Teens are more likely to communicate with another teen's parents or a neighbor. The mantra for teens is "my parents don't understand me." There is a comic called Zits which I think does a great job of characterizing teens and making it funny. A few weeks ago there was one where the teen was behind the wheel of the car and his mother was the passenger. It was so funny and so hit the spot, I had to call my son and describe it to him - then we both laughed!
Maybe it would help if parents thought of their teen aged children as aliens. It may lead to a way of dealing with them without the expectations we would have for dealing with one of our own species : )
On a serious note - some teen age actions can be dangerous to them and to others. Teens tend to not think of death or hurt and if they do it is something that happens to others - not to them. Teens often see themselves as invincible - nothing can harm them. Unfortunately this can lead to driving too fast, driving after drinking and having unprotected sex. Some states have changed their licensing laws for new teen drivers so that they can not have passengers and/or can not drive after certain hours. That may help but having parents who make rules and stick with them - in spite of the guaranteed fight - who tend to have kids who curtail the more dangerous activities.
Contracts - yes like legal contracts - about behaviors and especially about driving rules are very beneficial. But and it's a big but - you MUST stick with the contract you all agreed to. The contract is between the people in the family and all agree to the terms. It is not a dictatorial statement - my way or the highway - that is not a way to approach anyone let alone a teen [and in law it's not a good contract anyway.]
A contract can be an act of maturity for the teen.. hey my parents let me help make the decision. Believe it or not - children of all ages like to know the rules. They also like to help make the rules. And people who help make the rules are more apt to abide by those rules.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
Major apologies
I managed to take on more than I could do for a while last year....so blogging, which is a pro bono fun activity had to take a back seat for a while. Did manage to keep up with some blogs but not all...
As this is a new year - it comes with it's own resolutions and mine is to be more regular with the blogging....
Ah teens...every time I speak with my son I am so glad he is no longer a teen. We have now reached a point in our relationship where can laugh about some of the episodes of his teen years and my parenting during that time.
The adolescent years are ushered in by hormonal changes. That's most usually around 13 but can be earlier or later... If you ever had a problem with your own hormones as during pregnancy or with a thyroid problem, you have an inkling of what happens to your body.
As adults, we sort of know that our hormones are not "normal." Teens do not always understand this. Bodies are growing in all directions - sometimes unevenly. Sexual feelings occur - often with little to stimulate them. Girls start menstruating, growing pubic hair and developing breasts; boys have unpredictable erections, facial and pubic hair and voice changes. Even the best educated teen is not always comfortable with these changes.
Adolescence is a confusing time - for the teen and for the parents. It's a time where peers are more important than family. Peers accept the oddity of adolescence - they are all undergoing the somewhat same experiences.
It's also a time to experiment with this new body....Cigarettes, marijuana, sex and sports are equal enticements. Parents have all sorts of rules about smoking, drugs and sex...but you know what? You can't actually keep a teenager from doing what he/she chooses to do. You can only hope that your previous messages about health and safety are in that brain and come to the fore at times :)
Why do teens do what they do? coming soon - I promise
As this is a new year - it comes with it's own resolutions and mine is to be more regular with the blogging....
Ah teens...every time I speak with my son I am so glad he is no longer a teen. We have now reached a point in our relationship where can laugh about some of the episodes of his teen years and my parenting during that time.
The adolescent years are ushered in by hormonal changes. That's most usually around 13 but can be earlier or later... If you ever had a problem with your own hormones as during pregnancy or with a thyroid problem, you have an inkling of what happens to your body.
As adults, we sort of know that our hormones are not "normal." Teens do not always understand this. Bodies are growing in all directions - sometimes unevenly. Sexual feelings occur - often with little to stimulate them. Girls start menstruating, growing pubic hair and developing breasts; boys have unpredictable erections, facial and pubic hair and voice changes. Even the best educated teen is not always comfortable with these changes.
Adolescence is a confusing time - for the teen and for the parents. It's a time where peers are more important than family. Peers accept the oddity of adolescence - they are all undergoing the somewhat same experiences.
It's also a time to experiment with this new body....Cigarettes, marijuana, sex and sports are equal enticements. Parents have all sorts of rules about smoking, drugs and sex...but you know what? You can't actually keep a teenager from doing what he/she chooses to do. You can only hope that your previous messages about health and safety are in that brain and come to the fore at times :)
Why do teens do what they do? coming soon - I promise
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